Postmarked 06/18/09

A CHAIN IS ONLY AS STRONG AS IT'S WEAKEST LINK

Team week this week and it's been pretty stressful. We don't do a whole lot but clean and sit around, which of course gives us time to get harrassed by drill instructors and demoralized by our senior drill instructor. With our drill instructors gone, we now have new ones filling in every day. Everyone has different expectations and priorities, so we never get time to adjust, only time to get harrassed. This has been by far the most mentally and emotionally stressful week of boot camp for the platoon. I've seen more recruits crying in the bathroom in the last 4 days than in all of boot camp. The worse part is our senior drill instructor has completely changed. He no longer smiles but just points out our flaws and calls us garbage. It's basically the same feeling as a good friend turning on you. My only explanation for his sudden change is he now realizes it's up to him to train us and/or he is very stressed out and has lost some bearing and let it show. Either way, we all feel like the garbage he calls us now and have been fighting amongst one another constantly. My only solace is at night when I can read my letters, particularly from my parents and grandpa (no offense to anyone of course). The love and support they reassure me with is like a steroid for my mind. Which brings me to my next point. I have been truly blessed to have the family I do, and have never realized so until now. When I get out of here, my main priority, other than feeding my face, will be making closer connections with my family, who has shown me unrelenting love in spite of my 20 not-so-appreciatinve years of life. My goal is to be with my parents a good majority of my leave and have friends come over instead of having to visit everyone individually. So please try to work with me when I get back.

I got 3 big-ass food boxes in the mail yesterday. The platoon loved me, the Senior hated me. I guess it's time I request people stop sending food. I appreciate it, however there are ramifications for everything in boot camp and I'm done being the one to pay (and having family pay) so the platoon can be happy, and having no other recruits do the same.

Alot of people have been inquiring on books or video that properly detail what boot camp is like. I understand I can't write enough to explain everything, so the most accurate videos off the top of my head are "Ears Open, Eyeballs Click" and "Earning the Title." Like I said, both are accurate, just keep in mind nothing will ever be able to properly portray the mental and emotional anguish you're put through as those are intangible. No one will ever understand boot camp until they go through it themselves; which gives me a slight sense of pride, while at the same time makes me hate myself for knowing what it's like. My mom asked me to not sugar coat this blog, so I'm not.

Through bootcamp I've become increasingly obsessed with God's Word. I've been seriously contemplating getting the Prayer to St. Michael tattooed across my back. Unless I can find something more important to me, that's probably what I'll do. Boot camp has a way of making one say "screw it." I no longer live in a world of indecisiveness, doubt, and regret.

St Michael the Archangel Defend Us in Battle.